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 CHAPTER
THREE - Adolescent Issues and Coming-of-Age
Ceremonies
THE JEWISH LIFE CYCLE
By Steve Israel
B: PRIMARY TEXTS
- The Stages of Life According to Judaism
- The Difference Between Before and After –
The Stage of Responsibility
- Thirteen – A Time of Moral Development
- Mitzvot According to Development – The
Other Point of View
- An Early Coming-of-Age Custom
- The Source of Tefillin
- The Congregation’s Blessing
- The Father’s Blessing
- A Father’s Responsibility
- Letting the Children Go
- The Bar and Bat Mitzvah’s Blessing
- Girls and Torah – The Controversy
- Ostentatious Bar and Bat Mitzvah Celebrations
- Reaching Out to the World
- Judaism Without G-d? The Need for a New Framework
This section offers collected texts from the background section
of the chapter, together with some additional texts and commentary
that are relevant within the context. These extra texts can be
used as the basis of further activities, either individually,
or in juxtaposition to the other texts, in order to further enrich
the activities. The headline for each text includes a reference
to the corresponding item in the background section of this chapter.
15. The Stages of Life According to Judaism [Section
5]
He used to say: At five years old one is fit for the Scripture,
at ten years for the Mishnah, at thirteen for the fulfilling
of the commandments, at fifteen for the Talmud, at eighteen
for the marriage canopy, at twenty for pursuing [usually understood
as pursuing a calling], at thirty for authority, at forty
for discernment, at fifty for counsel, at sixty to be an elder,
at seventy for grey hairs, at eighty for special strength,
at ninety for bowed back and at a hundred a man is as one
who has already died and has passed from the world.
Mishnah: Pirkei Avot 5:21
16. The Difference Between Before and After –
The Stage of Responsibility [Section
5]
A girl eleven years and one day – her vows must be
examined [to see if she understood the significance of what
she was doing]. If she is twelve years and one day her vows
are valid...
A boy twelve years old and one day – his vows must be
examined. If he is thirteen years and one day old, his vows
are valid…
When they are younger than this, even though they say, “We
know in whose name we have vowed it”… their vow
is no vow. But when they are older than this, even though
they say “We know not in whose name we vowed it”…
their vow is a valid one…
Mishnah: Niddah 5:6
17. Thirteen – A Time of Moral Development
[Section 5]
The impulse to evil is thirteen years older than the impulse
to do good. It begins growing with a child in the mother’s
womb and comes out with him. If the child is about to profane
the Shabbat, it does not deter him: if the child is about
to commit an act of unchastity, it does not deter him.
Only at the age of thirteen is the impulse to good born in
a child. If then he is about to profane the Shabbat, it warns
him: “You fool! Scripture states, ‘Everyone that
profanes [the Shabbat] shall surely be put to death’”.
If he is about to take a life, it warns him: “You fool!
Scripture states, ‘Whoever sheds a man’s blood,
by man shall his blood be shed.’”…
Avot de Rabbi Natan 16
18. Mitzvot According to Development –
The Other Point of View [Section
6]
In part one of the chapter we mentioned that there was a counter
tendency in Judaism that stressed the need to perform mitzvot
as soon as a child was ready, without waiting for the thirteenth
year. The following Talmudic source is a classic example of this
tendency.
Our masters taught: A child who knows how to shake the lulav
[on the holiday of Sukkot] is required to use the lulav. If
the child knows how to wrap himself in a tallit, he is required
to do so. If a child knows how to take care of tefillin, his
father must acquire tefillin for him [and he must put them
on]. If he knows how to speak, his father must teach him Torah…
Bab. Talmud, Sukkot 42a
19. An Early Coming-of-Age Custom [Section
7]
There was a good custom ( )
in Jerusalem. When a boy was twelve years old his father would
take him and bring him before every elder [a term of respect]
that sat in the Temple, in order that they should bless him,
strengthen him and pray that he should attain a life of Torah
and good deeds…
Massechet Sofrim
20. The Source of Tefillin [Section
8b]
Therefore put these words of Mine upon your heart. Bind
them as a sign upon your hand and let them be a reminder between
your eyes. Teach them to your children.
Devarim 11:18-19
21. The Congregation’s Blessing [Section
8e]
As mentioned, many congregations will give a blessing to the Bar
Mitzvah as he is called to the Torah. Some congregations will
give a standard blessing given to all who are called to the Torah,
adding in the words bar mitzvah. Non-Orthodox congregations tend
to give a more developed blessing.
Here are two different versions of such a blessing. The first is
taken from “Sim Shalom”, the prayer book of the American
Conservative movement. The second version is taken from HaAvodah
ShebaLev, the prayer book of the Israeli Reform movement. Both
books have an identical version for boys and girls, allowing only
for changes of gender in the language. The first text is the girl’s
version, while the second is the boy’s version.
22a. May He who blessed our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah, bless ------- who
has come for an Aliyah upon reaching the age of Mitzvot. May
the Holy One guard her and sustain her, helping her to be
wholehearted in her faith, studying G-d’s Torah, walking
in G-d’s ways and fulfilling His mitzvot. May she find
favour before G-d and all people. And let us say Amen.
Siddur Sim Shalom
22b. May He who blessed our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob, bless ----------, who enters today into mitzvot as
he comes up to the Torah in front of the eyes of the congregation
of Israel. May G-d give a blessing to his family. As they
succeeded in raising him to mitzvot, may they succeed in educating
him to the values of Torah, marriage and good deeds. May it
be the will of our Father in Heaven that he should succeed
in devoting himself to the Torah with a healthy body and a
perfect soul, and find favour and good sense in the eyes of
G-d and man alike. May his family look on and find joy and
friends be delighted and the whole house of Israel rejoice
as they see their children among them hallow the holy of Jacob
and adoring the G-d of Israel.
Translated from Siddur HaAvodah ShebaLev
22. The Father’s Blessing [Section
8e]
This blessing appears in an interesting excerpt from the midrashic
work, Bereishit Rabbah, which opens with a general observation
regarding the age of thirteen as a critical age for deciding on
a direction in life.
Rabbi Levi said: It is like the case of a myrtle and a bramble
that used to grow one on the back of the other, but as they
grow and flower one gives forth its scent and the other gives
forth its thorns. In this case, two boys go to school and
come from school, but when they are thirteen years old, one
goes to the study house and the other goes to houses of idol
worshippers.
Rabbi Elazar said: A man must look after his child for thirteen
years and after this he must say, “Blessed be He who
has acquitted me of the punishment for this one i.e. my son
who is now bar mitzvah.”
Bereishit Rabbah 63
23. A Father’s Responsibility
[Section 8e]
If we say that a father is released from responsibility for his
son when the boy reaches the age of thirteen, we must ask whether
the tradition relates to the obligation of the father, up to that
time. There is an interesting source on this subject in the Talmud.
A father is obligated towards his son (in the following
ways). He must teach him Torah, he must teach him a skill
(profession) and there are those who say that he must teach
him to swim (i.e. give him basic survival skills).
Bab. Talmud, Kiddushin 29a
24.Letting the Children Go [Section
8e]
The whole issue of finding the balance between providing parental
support, on the one hand, and allowing the child to go forward
towards independence, on the other, is fraught with difficulties.
Below are two observations among many on the subject.
- The first refers to a parent’s role and comes from
the writings of the great Jewish thinker, Martin Buber,in
the form of a comment by Buber on a verse from the Song of
Moses in Devarim, which talks about G-d’s relationship
with Israel.
- The second piece is a Chassidic source, referring to the
relation of teacher and student, through a reflection on the
parent-child relationship.
24a. “Like an eagle who awakens the young in his
nest, he will glide down to his young, so did He spread
His wings and take him, bearing him along on his wings.”
(Devarim 32:11).
In the nest are nestling the young birds that only recently
have sprouted wings. But they do not yet know how to rise
up and fly. And here comes the eagle and awakens the nest.
He encourages the youngsters to fly, and glides above
them with a light beating of the wings. Then he spreads
his wings and sets one of the young birds on his wing
and carries him skywards, throwing up and catching him:
in this way he teaches him to fly.
Martin Buber
24b. Rabbi Leib said: “When a child is taught
to walk, his parent holds his hand at first; then he allows
him to walk alone, but stands nearby; then he goes further
and further away from him, until at last the child becomes
accustomed to walk steadily on his own feet. In the same
fashion, the former Bar Mitzvah boy should have his teacher’s
close attention at first; then he should be permitted
to lead himself more and more.
Chassidic Source
25. The Bar and Bat Mitzvah's Blessing
[Sections 8e,
9]
The Reform movement has introduced a statement that is made in
front of the congregation by the bar or bat mitzvah. The following
formulation is from the prayer book of the Israeli Reform movement,
HaAvodah ShebaLev. The versions are identical for boys and girls,
allowing only for changes in gender in the language. This is the
version for the Bat Mitzvah.
My G-d and the G-d of our fathers,
Before this holy congregation I choose to be counted in the
congregation of Israel, an heir to its heritage, a partner
in its fate, and obligated by its commandments. Give me the
strength to walk in Your path and to be a source of pride
to my family, my community and my People…
HaAvodah ShebaLev
26. Girls and Torah – The Controversy
[Section 9]
Judaism has long been ambivalent – and often downright negative
– regarding the question of encouraging girls to learn Torah.
One of the classic sources that shows this ambivalence perfectly
is found in the Mishnah.
Ben Azai said: A man must teach his daughter Torah…
Rabbi Eliezer said: Anyone who teaches his daughter Torah
– it is as if he is teaching her obscenity.
Mishnah Sotah 3:4
Since the Talmudic era, there have been many discussions on the
role of women in Torah study.
There were always a few unique women who became Torah scholars,
from Beruriah in the time of the Mishnah, to Professor Nechama
Leibowitz (1905-1997), who revolutionized and popularized the
study of the weekly Torah portion.
In the twentieth century, the Hafetz Hayim, Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan
(1838-1933), who was the foremost rabbinical authority in pre-war
Europe, advocated basic Torah study for women, in order to retain
and encourage their religious commitment, and gave his blessing
to the Beth Yaakov school system for girls. This was an innovation
in orthodox religious life.
The late Rabbi Joseph Ber Soloveitchik (1903-1993), the acknowledged
leader of Centrist Orthodoxy in the United States, similarly encouraged
Jewish women to pursue advanced Torah studies.
Today, there are many institutions that offer programs in Torah
learning to women in all ideological streams of Judaism in Israel
and the Diaspora.
27. Ostentatious Bar and Bat Mitzvah
Celebrations [Section 12]
This is the first part of the exchange of letters between the two
girls that we quoted in part one of the chapter, which appeared
in the “The Jerusalem Report” in August 1999.
Dear Sarah,
Bigger celebrations are not always bad. Being a religious
Jew doesn’t just mean celebrating Shabbat at home; sometimes
it is done in the presence of a large congregation. Torah
scroll covers are ornamented in rich and intricately hammered
silver, out of respect for the value of the contents. The
finest silver Kiddush cup doesn’t diminish the spirituality
of Shabbat.
I believe that a large and lavish bar or bat mitzvah can
not only add to the religious aspect of the ceremony, but
complement Jewish tradition.
The person who is becoming bar or bat mitzvah should feel
good about themselves and their religion. It’s also
wonderful to celebrate such an occasion with all friends and
family, not only close relatives.
If the parents have the wherewithal, why shouldn’t
they make it more special? The cost and the number of people
can add pressure on the bar or bat mitzvah, but is that in
itself bad? The occasion celebrates a coming of age, an assumption
of adult responsibilities. Dealing with pressure is part of
that change.
Anne Rubin
Dear Anne,
My bat mitzvah party was not formal or lavish. I invited
only my close friends from school.
You can have a small, inexpensive celebration; the important
thing is that close family and friends attend. If you
have a huge party, that’s what is going to be on
everyone’s mind, rather than the tradition. The
main point of this simcha is for people to see the first
time a child reads from the Torah, not the party.
And inviting too many people can also be a problem. The
extra people might not know you as well and might not be respectful
to what is going on during the service. I know that is true
for me, because I go to a public school where most of the
kids are not Jewish. So, it’s better to just invite
the people who know you very well, and not the extras.
These huge celebrations add nothing to the experience.
Sarah Harvey
“The Jerusalem Report” August 2, 1999
28. Reaching Out to the World [Section
13]
The child, discovering his I [identity], comes to know that
he is limited in space: the adult, that he is unlimited in
time. As man discovers his I, his desire for eternity guides
his range of vision beyond the span of his own life. Stirred
by the awesomeness of eternity, this young person feels within
himself the existence of something enduring. He experiences
it still more keenly at the hour when he discovers the succession
of generations, when he envisions the line of fathers and
mothers that led up to him… The people are now for him
a community of men who were, who are and who will be –
a community of the dead, the living and the yet unborn –
who together constitute a unity… The past of his people
is his personal memory, the future of his people, his personal
task.
Martin Buber, Essays on Judaism
29. Judaism Without G-d? The Need for
a New Framework [Section
13]
Every religion has created factors that evoke the emotions
of holiness in the soul of the believer. It has holy persons,
partly supernatural – like its G-ds and angels, partly
invented human ones – like its legendary heroes, partly
historical figures who actually lived, who through their lives
and deaths expressed the truths of their faith. It has holy
places – temples, mountains and valleys, holy springs
and trees – so that the believer begins to have entirely
different feelings when he steps into their proximity. It
has holy objects – tallit and tefillin, scrolls of the
Torah, icons, crosses etc. It has holy periods – holidays,
fasts – and also holy actions – praying, bringing
sacrifices, confessions and the like.
All these sanctities – persons, places, objects, periods
and actions – act like a magnetic force on the soul
of the truly religious person and transfer it into an emotional
atmosphere which is impossible to express in words. The question
now is; can all these sanctities evoke the same atmosphere
in our feelings when we stop believing in their supernatural
significance? Must modern man create entirely new sanctities
in order that the emotion of holiness should shine forth in
his breast?
Chaim Zhitlowsky,
“The National Poetic Rebirth of the Jewish Religion”
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